When the Circus Comes to Town

What happens when life seems to go on without you?

It's almost like when the circus comes to town. What's left when it packs up and leaves?

With each surgery with Lucas we have experienced this feeling.

I don’t mean that our life is a circus. It's that the season of crisis can feel like one from the outside. There's so much movement. In the chaos of the crisis, people show up. Texts flood in. People pray and check in to ask for updates. Lucas shirts are worn all over the Upstate. Gifts, monetary and otherwise, are given. Each loving gesture says, "We're here for you." So many people gathered around, so much visible support. And then, eventually, the crowd has to go home. Life moves on.

And it's not because people don't care anymore. It's because the circus left town. The big red and white striped tent is taken down. Lights and music stop. Everyone returns to their regular schedules, work meetings, ball games, vacations, the ordinary Tuesday afternoon. But you're still standing where that tent used to be in the strange silence of what happens after.

Still listening to the beeping.

Still watching output from chest tubes.

Still listening to doctors' plans that you never in your wildest dreams thought you'd have to understand.

Still grieving the normal life you thought you'd have before everything changed. Everything goes "back to normal," but you know "normal" is relative because you're learning how to live in the aftermath of this thing that changed your life forever.

This can be some of the loneliest times. Life keeps going and you're left to figure out this impossible question: "How do I rejoin the world that kept spinning when mine stopped?" 

But I have the best news. God is not part of the crowd.

He doesn't leave when the surgery is over. He stays in the empty field with you and sits with you in the silence. He walks every step of the aftermath with you. When life goes on without you, God is right there in the middle to offer his comfort and grace and strength to your heart. This is where you experience something so holy and special and personal. Let this be the place where you experience sacred surrender in the quiet arms of Jesus.

With HEARTfelt love,

Katie